Guilt

Guilt wrapped around her like a gray cocoon. She hid into it from the world. It barely let her breathe. She was suffocating in the strings of guilty feelings. One, and then another, and another, until she was captured so tightly that there was no way out.

“Finally. Soon I will have punished myself enough. 
Soon I will disappear into the timelessness of my humility.
It will finally be over. Free of guilt.”  

She sunk even deeper into the cocoon. The strings got even tighter.  

Guilty for eating, when she needs to lose those three kilograms. Tighter.
Guilty for not reaching her full potential at work. Tighter.
Guilty for doing less than she could for herself. Tighter.
Guilty for not being there for her parents. Tighter.
Guilty for letting down her children. Tighter.
Guilty for not being enough. Tighter.
Guilty for not being loved. Tighter.
Guilty for feeling down. Tighter.  
Guilty for feeling guilty. Tighter.  

The strings strangled her so tightly, her breath was barely reaching her lungs. She got pale.  

“This is it. The end of guilt is near.
The full humility and acceptance are almost here.
I am nearly done.”  

She waited and waited, she could barely breathe.
She had evoked and accepted her own disappearance, in her own guilt.
If this was the solution, so be it. Just let it come.
But why is she still there? Being there meant feeling guilty.
She had no more capacity to feel guilty. She has reached it.
Just get it over with.  

What is the last step towards the freedom from guilt?
Her mind was blurred, her vision was empty.
And she could not see the only liberation from the cocoon of guilt,
her only salvation,
was self-forgiveness and love.

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